The New Jerusalem

How do i say I'm going crazy in the delicate way that doesn't make anyone think anything's wrong?

I don't know how to get the self-pity out of my art. I don't know how to get the self pity out of my life. I did abs/shoulders/back yesterday. does that prove to anyone i'm pro-active? does that let anyone know i'm not just a machine for ruminations on failure.

i'm not falling apart minnesota style, but i'm pretty fucking lonely, and i'm pretty fucking tired of dealing with childishness. I wish i could report homosexuals to some authority for just being mean.

Gays always claim to hate religious fanatics who claim the answer to everything is jesus, but somehow, anytime i have a problem in my life, there is always a homosexual there to point out that the only path to salvation is through the gym.

Living alone, as a single man, I sometimes feel like my own single mom. Like I really love me, because i'm the only person I have, but then i spill something on my shirt and it makes me late and I can't go anywhere because i'm always stuck with this giant three year old i'm responsible for creating.

I can be really intimidated by how hot everyone in LA is, but my friend says if you're not that attractive, you probably have other skills or traits that can help you get laid. For instance, I am a really good rapist.

I have a friend, a straight guy, and he talks about his best friend Sean constantly. Oh sean this, oh sean called from New York, and they have a website together, and every time he fucking mentions this fucking guy all I can think is I willingly swallow other men's cum, yet somehow this fucker has a more satisfying and mature same-sex relationship that i do. it fucking sucks.

Once I replied to this guy's ad on craigslist because he said he was a sexual libertine, but then, when we actually started dating... nothing, just standard run of the mill coitus. Then one time I went to meet him when i went into his apartment i cought him masturbating to a copy of "The Fountainhead". Turns out he's a sexual libertarian and a very bad speller.

Veal tastes good. It's cruel, but so is eating an animal. I mean, if you're going to end up crushing an animals skull, slicing it up and eating it, why not toy with it a bit to begin with?

I hate libertarians. We live in a majoritarian system, fringe parties are never, ever, ever going to win. Voting libertarian is less likely to return any palpable results than praying to BAAL.

I think I'd trust John Edwards more if he gained 30 pounds and started cheating on his wife.

Sometimes I think my work is pointless, I write a crappy show on a network no one watches. Who cares. But then I realize, if each and every day I can make just one intern's life miserable... It's all worth it.

I get uncomfortable when I'm talking to someone and they mention they went to an ivy league school. I resent the implication that they're not my inferior.

This cowboy is lonely. LA is very full of people who are busy and already have 355 friendsters. The Jewish Debbie Reynolds once said finding real affection in LA is impossible because people are so good at doing the fake kind.

Over the past two years or so, I've had three major friendship-ending disagreements with very close friends. This, well, it makes me feel like i'm a bad friend, or like i don't have the necessary friendship-negotiation skills. Two centered on cohabitation. Also, my awkwardness at expressing my needs. Like, when the time came and I did create boundaries, the other person flipped out. I'm always very scared of expressing my needs, cuz I'm always sort of certain the other person is just gonna take their equipment and walk home.

No, ryan, i don't need a concillatory email, but I love you, and hope anne is well now that I can no longer check up on her blog.

Recently, a guest, i may have blogged about this before, but he told me periodically in life i'd lose everything. As I now look back on these relationships I had to take down, Landslide-style, I regret it. I miss and respect and value the place that person had in my life, and part of me wants to email them and say "come back, email me, be in and of my life"... but his words, and how much they scared me are in my head, and I realize I do need to let go of things so that new things can grow.

Sometimes I worry I'm too angry. I get pissed off at so many things. Mainly people I think aren't living their lives the right way. So I guess that either means I'm a bad person or just very judgemental.

Sometimes I worry that I begin too many blog entries with the phrase "Sometimes I worry".

Sometimes I wonder if my dad never loved me. But in the deepest corners of my heart, i hope he was just using all of the criticisms and insults to try to train me to be a really good S&M bottom.

You Can Be A Winner

In their online profiles gay guys always say "no games". "I'm looking for someone down to earth, no games." The thing is, I really like Yahtzee, and want it to be an important part of any relationship I'm in. Also, emotional manipulation and lies, they mean a lot to me, too.

Really, I think if you're gay and you're looking for a relationship with no games, you're missing out on the best part. I mean, we're gay, we're sassy, catty, bullshit slinging MACHINES. If you just want to have butt-sex with well built men and indulge in none of the other dangerous liaisons by way of days of our lives drama, i don't think homosexuality needs you and you should consider getting your man on man action in some other way, possibly joining a men's rugby team, or becoming a marketing executive at abercrombie and fitch.

Saw I Heart Huckabees. This film, it's possible, was made for my pleasure alone. After it, i felt the need to call my parents, first time left a timid message, called back for a stronger one, and got my dad. The yelling which ensued... i guess other 28 year olds don't yell at their parents so much, but I'd assert that my parents got off pretty yelling free when i was 14 and docile, so, you know.

that's what he kept saying, i was too old to be angry at them. Guilting me is just their first response now.

It's left me with a sense of calm so significant, i'm actually not at all tempted to harass and yell at gay men online. I really wish I could bottle yelling at your dad.

Parker for Me

Sometimes I feel like an alpha-numeric man in a QWERTY world.

Also From Arkansas

I honestly believe the most theraputic activity known to mankind is yelling curse words at your father over a cell phone on Santa Monica Blvd. at 1 in the morning.

The second most theraputic activity is eating a hostess ding dong immediately thereafter and being a little bit surprised at how not guilty you feel about either.

He cut me from the fucking little league team. You can't fucking argue that you're a great dad who got a bad rap when you fucking cut me from the little league team.

Guy