The New Jerusalem

Over the past two years or so, I've had three major friendship-ending disagreements with very close friends. This, well, it makes me feel like i'm a bad friend, or like i don't have the necessary friendship-negotiation skills. Two centered on cohabitation. Also, my awkwardness at expressing my needs. Like, when the time came and I did create boundaries, the other person flipped out. I'm always very scared of expressing my needs, cuz I'm always sort of certain the other person is just gonna take their equipment and walk home.

No, ryan, i don't need a concillatory email, but I love you, and hope anne is well now that I can no longer check up on her blog.

Recently, a guest, i may have blogged about this before, but he told me periodically in life i'd lose everything. As I now look back on these relationships I had to take down, Landslide-style, I regret it. I miss and respect and value the place that person had in my life, and part of me wants to email them and say "come back, email me, be in and of my life"... but his words, and how much they scared me are in my head, and I realize I do need to let go of things so that new things can grow.