The New Jerusalem

log

ummmm...

Well, last night I did my first monday at the punchline. it's been quite a long time in coming, but it went very nicely.

It was weird, i was almost nervous for the first time in forever. it may have been my first monday, but i've done the punch showcase enough not to be scared. just kinda felt like i should be sure to deliver.

At the end of the show, there was a particular pleasure. I left the green room at the end of the show, you know, to recieve kudos (ahhh, PARAMUS). But as the lights came up and the people started to move, who would I see but my favorite trash journalist and his cheese-loving lady. I had asked ryan to come, but didn't think he was. Ryan was grinning and wonderful, Anne had keen and insightful points about the very idea of stand-up comedy. when i'm around my friends, there are always moments when i sort of congradulate myself for knowing people so insightful. I don't know if i can be friends with people who aren't good readers of society. or, rather, it's not a condition of being my friend, it's simply a quality which always seems to be present within those whose society i enjoy.

Oh, and last night I learned I'm going to get to audition for the Montreal comedy festival. Going to Montreal would be NEAT.

i think america's decided, resolutely, for men to have longer hair. i like any expansion of the sexual objectification of men

my mom doesn't approve of my comedy. she always says "guy, why do you have to use so much fucking foul language?"

sometimes i feel like my love life is an internet explorer screen that just says "there are 0 entries which match this query"

success is a state of mind. i made 14,000 dollars last year. i don't think i ever want to suffer the state of mind which would make that a success

Sometimes i think i'm ready for a long term committment if i just meet the kind of guy i'm interested in. then i realize the only guys i'm interested are television and take-out thai food.

Some people have accused me of being too clinical. they probably say that because I only time i ever tell anyone "i love you" is when i'm wearing a lab coat and goggles. but i don't do that to be emotionally distant, i just don't think you can ever be too careful of eye injury.

sometimes i wonder if life is a video game and jesus was just the only guy with two extra quarters.

I think i'm like a Q in scrabble. It's very hard to figure out where to put me, but once you do, i'm worth way more points.

i have a new success strategy. I am going to stop doing the things i like to do. from now on, i am only pursuing things i hate, that way, when I fail, it'll be a relief.

i love self-help books. they spell out an answer to your problems, and however stupid or misguided the answer is, at least it starts you on a path and gives you a charismatic guy with big teeth or an old jewish lady to believe in. In so many ways, self help books are the modern equivalent of 1930's european political radicalism.

guesteme

I have low self esteem. i really hate having to be me. the wierd part is, on a person to person basis, i always manage to be rational and realize that i'm smarter, cooler and better than every single person i meet. dunno how to give this a punchline.

Talk of the Town

I don't think I do enough to promote myself as a comic. Like, most people are out there talking to bookers and more successful comics, wheedling out bookings and trying to find out what people think of them. I need to be like that, i need to shmooze more, but it's just not in my nature, so one day i sat down with a yellow legal pad and a pen and decided to figure out things i could do to make me more likely to network. After an hour of thinking i only had one possible strategy on the paper. "Be less talented."

Pax GuyBrania

I was on antidepressants in law school. I'd just come out, i was in a different state, and i needed something to keep me from getting too lost in my own feelings. Eventually, i stopped taking prozac daily.

But I still have a medication to take when i have a particularly intense bout of depression. It's called doughnuts.

Sweet Smell

I think my greatest achievement is probably the fact that I was the first person who went to college in my family, graduated with honors, and got a law degree, and still managed to be a complete failure at the same time.

Every time I interview for a job, part of me always feels like saying "oh, however much great stuff there may be on there, the one thing i want to make clear is how severely i will screw up whatever it is you give me to do".

Because, ladies and gentlemen, however talented I may be, the only thing I'm really good at is wasting my own potential.