The New Jerusalem

The Little Mermaid

Maybe i'm not fat, maybe i'm a sea mammal. Maybe I'm a thrilling new chapter in the history of human evolution which has spontaneously evolved a thick layer of blubber to insulate against the cold of the ocean's depths. Maybe I put the "manatee" in humanity. At least that's what i tell myself in the krispy kreme drivethrough.

A majority of americans think gays should be allowed to have civil unions, but not actually call it marriage. It's america pissing on us, letting us know who's in charge. Yup, straight people are a majority and they always will be, and they want us to remember it. They'll give us some legal rights and everything to make themselves feel like they're not being complete dicks, but they want to make sure it has a different name so we remember we're not the same. And i think that's fine, but if civil unions are just going to be a lip-service charade to let a minority group feel included, i think they should call them by a name that reflects this. Civil unions should be called faggot chanukkah.

My mother disagrees with the idea of gay marriage. She thinks two men or women could never have the kind of relationship she has with my dad. I disagree. I think if two men are truly devoted, they can spend thirty years berating and humiliating each other to reach the level of pure mutual hatred my parents have.