The New Jerusalem

I have lived in Los Angeles three weeks now. I am tired of looking at luminously beautiful people. When I first moved here, I was like "wow, your incandescently white teeth and sharply chiseled abdominal muscles are hurting my eyes." Then later I was like "wow, I want to insert my penis into each and every one of you." Now, I really, really just want it all to go away.

This crazy Hollywood town is too much for my libido. I'm not used to this. I'm from San Francisco. I'm used to dirty hippies and 40 year old gay men and slightly soiled philipino bottoms. I don't know what to do with this crazy town where everyone is at the peak of physical perfection and flirting with the elan of a filly who is ready for the race.

The thing about sex in los angeles is it's not about love, it's not ab out beauty, it's about power. I can, rationally, understand this, but my penis cannot. My penis just keeps saying "SEXY, me wants it." and I try to explain to it, but my penis is like an 8 year old with down's syndrom. it just knows it REALLY wants it. "i'm like, no penis, no, we can't have the rock-hard 19 year old with dreams of becoming a hollywood dreamboat actor, he doesn't want us" and my penis is like "but we could rape it. let's rape it just a little."

So i'm having to jack off 5-9 times a day just to keep me from raping someone. Why, oh why must I be a feminist.