The New Jerusalem

I can't tell you how much I hate people who 'just want to be friends'.

Fuck you. Just because i'm interested in being your boyfriend doesn't mean I just want to be your friend. I'm a very interesting person. I get paid to be interesting in front of large groups of people. If I've expressed sexual interest in you, it probably means i'm slumming, and have decided that your relative boredom and my relative lack of sexiness somehow find an equal level.

So suggestion to those of you I might find hot. Always, always leave sex on the table, because the minute you take it away is the minute you lose the only thing that's holding me back from condescending to you.

Don't try to slice me up into personae. don't try to turn me into a head without a body, or i might just do the same to you, and it'll probably be significantly less flattering.

i'll probably post alternate versions of this joke. sorry for the repeat.