The New Jerusalem

WHen I express concerns about my relationship situation, or lack thereof, there is a general response. Which is basically become sexier. I know it's what I should do. It's kind of what I did in the cold of minnesota. I ate egg whites and mastered stairs and became less fat but was still too fat for most people's tastes. and then i got happy again, and then i gained the weight back.

A key problem with this is that it's basic premise is telling yourself you're not good enough. Saying "they are right, there is another me who is worthy of this, i should be fired in favor of other me". and i know other me is better, but i can never quite screw up the courage to fire current me. because he takes such good care of me.

I'm trying to give myself an eating disorder again. A better one.

I can just never bring myself to say that i'm wrong. How are you supposed to learn to love yourself more by rejecting yourself?

Still, i want to be sexy. Maybe i just need to reject myself in a different way.