The New Jerusalem

I guess I'm Dark Skinned

There's a thing on VH-1 about being gay today. Apparently being gay today mainly involves being a very tanned square-jawed model. There was this article in the NY Times by a lesbian about a new Showtime series about Catfood and the ladies who love it. The article ends up more broadly looking at the issue of representation of minorities in the media, and the trouble of going from being ignored to being present. Very "is that all there is". Particularly wonderful is her narrowing on the degree to which actual representation precludes the beauty of figurative representation previously possible. Once there are actual lesbians on tv, who needs to see themselves in Peppermint Patty or Bruce Willis?

Basically, i feel like now that there is a thing we can be, everyone is rushing to be that thing. Tragically that thing is the shallowest, most venial race ever known to man.

And I love the shallow. I appreciate them with a great deal of professional respect: They make a career out of something I could never do, but as a man, I am at least a recreational shallow bastard. I just know i could never make it in the pros. Still, i'm dazzled by the efforts they exert. the tanning, the clothes, the 40 year olds aching to make people think they're 20.

It'd all be fascinating if it weren't for the fact that i have to actually have relationships with gay guys. And i don't. i'm not pretty enough to make it.

I feel forgotten by homosexuality. I feel like homosexuality wants to forget me. and as much as i appreciate it and love it when i see gay stories or concepts being represented in the media, i am no less alienated from them because i know i'm not the sort of gay they're intended for. At least with straight stories, there necessarily has to be a level of abstraction. with gay stories, the only thing holding me from identifying is my own personal shortcomings.

I guess it's like being a lower class african american in the 80's and watching an episode of the cosby show thinking "who do these people think they are".

Also, gay guys don't think or argue or say wonderful things as much as they should. when you have biceps to talk for you, there's no more need for words that can crackle.