The New Jerusalem

i watched a video of me doing comedy at stanford. i thought... i thought i am too fat to be on stage. a thing i have fought before, and thought before. nothing new. under the sun. i do not change, some people do, they have the eye of the tiger, they are dynamic, they change.

can they like who they were before?

can i like me now?

we know I do. i like myself too much. almost as much... or more than i hate myself, we'll never be certain.

do you know what a velleity is? it's a type of whim. a feeling of the lowest possible valence. something upon which one wouldn't act, but one would hope.

we can say my whole life is a velleity, but we'd be ignoring so much. i'm a storm. i'm a storm at times, not the storm i'd like to be, but a storm.

i do change, i do grow, i do learn, not all that i'd like.

oh that this too too solid flesh would melt.

Let rome in tiber melt.

guy, you need to read something to make you love life again. i prescribe a roman guy and his egyptian ladyfriend. they can help.