The New Jerusalem

I often wonder what would happen if i died. Would my mom check my email? this, everything written tonight, won't be comedy, it'll be the musings of the depressed, but blogizens, you'll survive. cuz i've got better things to do than survive. I worry so much about the number of things in my head that simply echo around in there. never come out. how much will be lost when i am? she won't check my email. she'll delegate most of it to larry and lori who don't really know me as well and will not do the things i actually would have wanted done but will wierdly harp on something particular. cleaning up the mess in my room. i have no idea. she will do the same thing, too. Mispriorotize. If i die she'll stay with the baby, because she does the things she has to do not the things she wants to. because. i can never ask as loud as lori.

I love the baby, someone has to be watching her, making her a good person. that is, mayhaps, the answer, that the thing that will be done to commemorate my passing, when it happens, should it happen, is that my mom will make my neice a wonderful person, as she would anyway, but the point is, the baby will be programmed in a fashion similar to the way i'm programmed.