The New Jerusalem

Green Mountain Boys, cont.

The US isn't ready for gay marriage. We're just not that comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. On the bright side, America does have a love affair with homoerotica: ultimate fighting, smallville, ashton kucher movies. America loves to see hot guys naked, bleeding and exchanging pithy one-liners, they just don't want to think about them going to pottery barn afterwards. I, thus, propose the following compromise: Instead of making gay "marriage" legal, forcing much speculation about who wears the dress et al, Vermont and like-minded states should create a "declaration of buddy cop". Through this process, men could officially register as rag-tag misfit police officers who fight crime in the smokey haze of their Starsky and Hutch style love. It'd involve most of the benefits of marriage, social security, immigration, whatever, except that the registrants would only be allowed to engage in public displays of physical affection while one of them was bleeding. Oh, and they'd have to officially notify the government which one was the "tango" and who was the "Cash" if you catch my meaning.

A similar declaration of Spinster Sisterhood could also be made available, but, you know, what state wants to turn into lesbian flypaper?