tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31771382011-04-21T16:31:27.540-07:00These words are the last testament of Jesus Christ in the New World.Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comBlogger3971100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-91068750538228459122007-09-24T11:25:00.000-07:002007-09-24T11:27:31.435-07:00

If this really is the beginning of the end for american democracy, if this is the moment when the republic crubles, how wierd is it that when historians study our time, our cato, our gaius junius brutus, our last outspoken critic of a decaying political system, is rosie o'donnell.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1140332904974813982006-02-18T22:33:00.000-08:002006-02-18T23:08:25.020-08:00

I haven't blogged forever, so no one is probably reading. That's ok.I exist in an almost constant state of uncertainty and discomfort. it's how i work. I didn't get past it after adolescence... it just sort of persisted and got worse.But then there are the strange moments of kinship and certainty. For most, i guess, adolescence begins with these moments, helping you form a group of peers,

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1132022374445620282005-11-14T18:38:00.000-08:002005-11-14T18:39:34.456-08:00

The time it takes for me to go from grinning uncontrolably to fretting and fearing, in the context of a crush, is, it seems, somewhere near 36 hours.i am ill equipped to negotiate such things.if anyone reads this anymore, i'll update it, cryptically.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1127940419771038992005-09-28T13:45:00.000-07:002005-09-28T13:46:59.770-07:00

and then he did not get the girl. the end.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1127940058639028032005-09-28T13:40:00.000-07:002005-09-28T13:40:58.646-07:00

There's a boy at work. His name is Ryan and he's very, very, very smart and funny in ways i don't quite understand. I hope we'll be real friends for a long time.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1127840277601118132005-09-27T09:55:00.000-07:002005-09-27T09:57:57.610-07:00

Going through west hollywood really intimidates me. Like all these guys with fashionable clothes and great bodies, i'm like, these guys are sooooo gay. Maybe i'm not gay enough. Maybe i'm not gay at all. Maybe i'm just a really big Carly Simon fan.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1127607237013615842005-09-24T17:12:00.000-07:002005-09-24T17:13:57.023-07:00

We just got new interns at work, and now i understand why they don't let gays in the military. Because i should not be allowed to be in charge of 19 year old boys. I try to control myself, but every now and then i'm like "hey steve, could you go find these tapes for me. and also, pout."

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1126049279297043112005-09-06T16:27:00.000-07:002005-09-06T16:27:59.303-07:00

sometimes i feel like i have to go through puberty every 3 years or so.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1126045231920046172005-09-06T15:19:00.000-07:002005-09-06T15:20:31.920-07:00

I am really good at crying in public. there's a bus to teh eastmont mall outside, i just saw a guy who reminds me of me in college- poor fashion choices devision.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1126045144688563482005-09-06T15:15:00.000-07:002005-09-06T15:19:04.693-07:00

The girls of berkeley laugh at things like men. I can no more clearly express it than that. It hurts to love something this much. It's not the algia of nostalgia, unless it's the pain of not understanding why i'm no longer the person i was. Not that I want to be that person, but I envy some of the things he had figured out.This place is strong, and the people in it are too. They're dumpy and

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1122202416780961762005-07-24T03:53:00.000-07:002005-07-24T03:53:36.786-07:00

I like to think of Camus's "The Myth of Sysiphus" as my diet book of choice.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1120350362644923822005-07-02T17:24:00.000-07:002005-07-02T17:26:02.650-07:00

Had a callback audition for a really cool job, but then i fumled. am fuming at myself. fuming. i'm so fascinating and vivacious so much of the time, how could i lose it?alright, pull it together guy.ok, back to being in yuba city. really need to get all the pleasure i can out of that.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1119049247840095852005-06-17T15:52:00.000-07:002005-06-17T16:00:47.850-07:00

On the bus this morning I sat next to 5 australian guys. Are we sure that Australia is a country? because people are always saying it's a country, then other people say it's a continent. I personally, theorize it's a fraternity. Like, all australian guys are kind of athletic and burly and muscular, and they seem to be drunk a lot, and often shouting or participating in intramural athletics.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1118854197731998052005-06-15T09:44:00.000-07:002005-06-15T09:49:57.736-07:00

I get my new intern today. We have two. I'm going to structure it as a reality program i've tentatively and hackily titled in my brain "america's next top intern". over the course of the summer, they will compete to see who our panel of judges, who will be selected on a rotating basis from the WoW guild. The challenges will mostly involve upon whom i can foist the most work. then, at the

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1118766887301807982005-06-14T09:34:00.000-07:002005-06-14T09:34:47.310-07:00

Every time I date a guy, I feel like he’s going to expect something out of me that I’m just never going to be able to satisfy. It’s the main reason I broke up with my last boyfriend, his name was mom.I did date one girl, but the whole time I was with her, I felt like she was going to expect something out of me I just couldn’t give her. Her name was mom.People always ask if I dated girls in high

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117626154893205622005-06-01T04:41:00.000-07:002005-06-01T04:43:18.413-07:00

depression is full of finicky needs and cravings. i stay up at night able to do nothing but listen to show tunes and look at the web sites of more successful gay comics. it's like being pregnant, but instead of a baby, you're gestating failure. Either way, calcium is important.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117007145551294442005-05-25T00:44:00.000-07:002005-05-25T00:45:45.550-07:00

After seeing revenge of the sith, i've decided my next boyfriend is going to be a bluescreen.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117007034352271222005-05-25T00:43:00.000-07:002005-05-25T00:43:54.353-07:00

the gay rights movement would go a lot smoother if homophobes weren't so fucking hot.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117006988530444592005-05-25T00:42:00.000-07:002005-05-25T00:43:08.530-07:00

Every gay man wants to become the bully who plagued him in grade school.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117006939720126982005-05-25T00:37:00.001-07:002005-05-25T00:42:19.720-07:00

Minnesota taught me valuable lessons, like, with enough bulky sweaters and baked goods, asexuality is something anyone can achieve.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1117006480740381122005-05-25T00:27:00.000-07:002005-05-25T00:34:41.703-07:00

As I understand it, Tom Cruise has raped Oprah. While this can hardly be said to be an unexpected turn in Tom's monumental struggle with his sexuality, I'm sure it will have no end of negative consequences for racial and sexual relations in this country. But I cannot stress enough that i know where tom is coming from. Tom is an Achiever. Tom *IS* Jerry McGuire, He *IS* Maverick. Tom has

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1113866418432457332005-04-18T16:19:00.000-07:002005-04-18T16:20:18.433-07:00

One time i was talking to a friend who had just had a baby and i asked him how the baby was doing and he said "the baby died." I felt as socially awkward as is humanly possible.my mother can make me feel that way when i ask her anything.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1112812301259588392005-04-06T11:27:00.000-07:002005-04-06T11:31:41.260-07:00

I'm very intellectually arrogant. How arrogant? well, i could explain it to you, but you probably wouldn't understand.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111609120296282822005-03-23T12:18:00.000-08:002005-03-23T12:18:40.296-08:00

I never know what to do on dates. I always just wish I had some glass animals to play with.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111579530796145912005-03-23T04:04:00.000-08:002005-03-23T04:05:57.636-08:00

I wish my good ideas were trite enough to be marketable. no one gets swept away by a thought that requires numerous sub-paragraphs and flow-charts.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111578985337041032005-03-23T03:55:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:56:25.336-08:00

I hate instant messaging someone you like. I hate ever time the bar starts flashing yellow and it could be something you absolutely don't want to hear. at least in person they have to deal with the physical reality of you. It's so much easier to be a dick to a java applet.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111578757744336242005-03-23T03:52:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:52:37.743-08:00

If you meet someone, and the truth is something they absolutely cannot give you, is it still the truth?

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111578696131860522005-03-23T03:49:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:51:36.133-08:00

I want to participate in a velvet revolution of some sort.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111578554053494262005-03-23T03:35:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:49:14.053-08:00

So i instant messaged a guy i had sex with last week and he legitimately had no idea who i was. I'm completely comfortable being unloveable and reprehensible, but one'd at least hope i was memorable.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111577717603544242005-03-23T03:31:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:35:17.603-08:00

I hate my co-workers. actually, i probably shouldn't say that as they don't actually work so much as they do waste time and instant message other lesbians. They don't do anything, which is fine, except part of me is always slightly scared people won't realize i'm amazing, so i get pissed off when shitty, shoddy work has my name attached to it, so i try to make stuff happen.but it doesn't.I'm

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111577497765325602005-03-23T03:12:00.001-08:002005-03-23T03:31:37.766-08:00

Jarred's grandmother actually fled the nazis, which, no one's going to argue that was a bad idea, because nazi germany wasn't exactly the most jew-friendly of places. The trouble is that jarred's grandmother fled to the belgian congo, which is a very nice place, i'm sure, what with its copper mines and tapioca industry it's a wonderful place to live. I just wonder why, if you're a jew fleeing

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1111576672421464052005-03-23T03:12:00.000-08:002005-03-23T03:17:52.423-08:00

My friend jarred's grandmother lived through the holocaust, and he can't shut up about it. You know, I'm jewish. My grandmother lived through the holocaust, too. Sure, she was in Arkansas, but is that much better? At the end of the war nobody liberated her. There were no GIs with chocolate bars outside of Fayetteville. My grandma had to liberate herself the old-fashioned way, marrying an

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1110161332296229512005-03-06T17:57:00.000-08:002005-03-06T18:08:52.296-08:00

Every time i hear some gay guy talk about how many friends he's lost to aids, all i wonder is, what's wrong with me? how come none of my friends have aids? Are they not hot enough? Are they not sleeping with enough strangers? what's the problem here. But then i said to myself, hey, guy, aids is nothing to wish on anyone, it's so 88. Drug resistant chalmydia, that's a disease to get excited

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109671379003954532005-03-01T02:01:00.001-08:002005-03-01T02:02:59.003-08:00

there's off white. how come they dont' have 0ff-other colors. off-black or off-grey. how come we ONLY use it for white. it's biracial, not off-mexican... blah

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109671298590427252005-03-01T02:01:00.000-08:002005-03-01T02:01:38.590-08:00

Courtesy of peter morris: The academy awards are just like nascar, but with demanding women instead of cars.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109669144875138262005-03-01T01:22:00.000-08:002005-03-01T01:25:44.876-08:00

Here's my problem with the matrix movies: you can't exactly make your main character omnipotent at the end of a movie and expect to get two sequels out of it. That's why the book of mormon sold so poorly.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109666151420085612005-02-28T22:53:00.000-08:002005-03-01T00:35:51.420-08:00

The other day my friend told me to stop acting like a persected jew. I CAN"T that's what makes me a jew. paranoia is the jewish natural defense, like squid ink or eel electricity.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109355499433157022005-02-25T10:17:00.000-08:002005-02-25T10:18:19.433-08:00

My sister had an 8 pound baby and she's always bragging about it. I'm tired of listening to her, i know i've taken shits that big... WITHOUT an epidural.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109153419151570862005-02-23T02:09:00.000-08:002005-02-23T02:10:19.153-08:00

mat, casey and i kicked then ate the ass of ethan et ux et al at charades. it was amazing. it was fun. it felt like it would never end. it was sumptuous.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1109153093568621642005-02-23T01:53:00.000-08:002005-02-23T02:04:53.570-08:00

when my body has long been committed to the earth and my bones have turned to dust, i may reckon this very night as the most pleasureable of my life. this august rendering of this not-so-unusual evening is the result of my strange tastes and excellent friends. tonight i was supposed to provide dinner to rebecca and matt. i was going to take them out. i can afford it now, i was going to buy a

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1108516408859155402005-02-15T16:55:00.000-08:002005-02-15T17:13:28.860-08:00

Necrophilia is disgusting and creepy, but as time goes on, i think it may be the only way i could ever get the government to recognize my relationship w/ a man. (written in the course of a discussion w/ peter, who's writing a necrophilia play, so no, i' m not a perv)

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1108515321850971372005-02-15T16:54:00.000-08:002005-02-15T16:55:21.853-08:00

my last boyfriend was smart and great and all that, but he would periodically, in public, go on long diatribes about the films of barbra streisand, and every time this happened, around the time he started yelling about her getting snubbed for the best director oscar for yentle, part of me wondered why i had to be gay, and not, say, a necrophiliac, cuz at least that way i could fuck a man and be

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1108390230442860472005-02-14T06:08:00.001-08:002005-02-14T06:10:30.443-08:00

I don't really know what i'm doing in LA, or whether i should stay, but I'm CERTAIN that the one thing I want to do before i leave is have a screenplay produced the plot of which culminates in a montage set to "Sisters are Doin' it for Themselves".

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1108390024588514862005-02-14T06:05:00.000-08:002005-02-14T06:07:04.590-08:00

I would list my last five searches on Kazaa, to provide a compelling look into my inner life, but, really, I fear my close friends would lose respect for me if they knew the frequency with which the phrases "muscle fucking" and "shania twain" are the primary focus of my interest.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1107399142762730902005-02-02T18:51:00.000-08:002005-02-02T18:52:22.763-08:00

Have you noticed that we don’t really hear that much about the troubles in northern Ireland anymore? I think it was too difficult for the irish to compete in this new age of punk-rock mass destruction terrorists. (punch) Lots of people theorize the waning of IRA violence is a result of improvement in the Irish economy, which makes me wonder if we couldn’t have saved a lot of time and money by

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1106099961546647292005-01-18T17:32:00.000-08:002005-01-18T17:59:21.546-08:00

I went to Phoenix on a trip for work, because I am an important television producer on the go. Actually, my job is primarily just to wrangle problematic female talent, yes ladies and gentleman, I'm a eunich! So one of the folks I was there with is a secret lesbian, so she insisted on taking me to a lesbian bar. And you're probably wondering, "Hey Guy, a lesbian bar in phoenix, what's that like

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1106097916053026292005-01-18T17:24:00.000-08:002005-01-18T17:25:16.053-08:00

I went to a lesbian bar for the first time, and it was amazingly dark, like, nothing but black lights, like you couldn't see anyone's face. But then I realized, if I had to date lesbians, I wouldn't want to have to see what they looked like either.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1106097227109904812005-01-18T17:12:00.000-08:002005-01-18T17:22:04.410-08:00

I never gamble, except with other people's emotions, because then I always win.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1103541095826669992004-12-20T03:10:00.000-08:002005-01-18T17:23:44.283-08:00

So the other day i was listening to internet radio. Top 40, a safe enough activity, but then what should trapse in on the WiFi but a Smash Mouth song. Smash Mouth. It was like running into someone i'd fucked repeatedly in the late 90's, and having to have lunch with him and pretend like we were friends.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1103529808859730272004-12-20T01:02:00.000-08:002005-01-18T17:24:05.383-08:00

I don't want to be loved for who I am, I want to be loved for who I'm capable of tricking people into believing I am. Because i'm not nearly as cool or beautiful as I am duplicitous and manipulative.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1103434313700343722004-12-18T21:31:00.000-08:002004-12-18T21:31:53.700-08:00

I'm in the market for a boyfriend again, because I think I'm ready to hurt someone again.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1103276174291646302004-12-17T01:30:00.000-08:002004-12-17T01:36:14.290-08:00

I hate Shania Twain and her music. This wouldn't be a problem, except that every time I hear a shiania twain song, I fucking love it. "Man, I feel like a woman"... But i can't feel that way. i'm an urban sophisticate, i'm not some alabama faggot with nothing better to do than put together shania fan sites. I hate her, I hate her fucking stories about growing up on the reservation, i hate her

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102923146583432942004-12-12T23:30:00.000-08:002004-12-12T23:32:26.583-08:00

If i ever become technically mentally ill, i hope it's as a result of stage-4 syphallis. i don't want to become a raving lunatic just because i couldn't cope with life's problems, i want to become a raving lunatic because i got sucked off by a streetwhore with a bleeding sore in his mouth.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102922917978474572004-12-12T23:26:00.000-08:002004-12-12T23:30:53.440-08:00

I went to a party last week thrown by these three 20 year old guys who share a house in the hollywood hills, and i was having a great time chatting with their fellow harvard alumni when i noticed i had a rash on the back of my arms. turns out i'm allergic to instantiated class priviledges. Either that or the drug resistant syphallis is back.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102338942633769712004-12-06T05:01:00.000-08:002004-12-06T05:15:42.633-08:00

President bush says there shouldn't be gay marriage, because it doesn't comport with traditional legal definitions of marriage. I would like to say to president bush that i understand his point, this is something very new and very different that we're asking you to understand, and I appreciate that. And I would also like to say to President Bush that I would like to buy Condoleeza Rice. Under

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102334911001568522004-12-06T04:05:00.000-08:002004-12-06T04:08:31.000-08:00

Every time I ask a host to put me in his showcase here, suddenly i feel like a fat seventh grader who just asked a popular girl to dance. Like, the hosts act so put upon, like they're just so taxed by having to exert the effort to be kind of polite while saying no, that i feel sorry for them.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102334248393686152004-12-06T03:57:00.000-08:002004-12-06T03:57:28.393-08:00

I'm almost entirely oblivious to my own faults, which is kind of impressive when you consider how self-absorbed I am.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102332487664456842004-12-06T03:23:00.000-08:002004-12-06T03:28:07.663-08:00

Ethnic neighborhoods are hack. You go to any city in any town and what are you going to find? Sweat shop produced electronics next to enormous dim sum palaces. Yawn. Overly tanned men in too much black leather outside of a pizzaria. Pathetic. I want to see something I haven't seen before. I want Portland oregon to get a thriving danish neighborhood full of sex workers and pressed ham. I

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102332012597936142004-12-06T03:16:00.000-08:002004-12-06T03:20:12.596-08:00

I went on anti-depressants once, but it turns out when I'm not depressed i have nothing to talk about. god, i'd rather be misserable for 10 years and then shoot myself than spend the rest of my life being boring and having everyone wish they could shoot me.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102331741931208652004-12-06T03:14:00.000-08:002004-12-06T03:15:41.930-08:00

I think actors are wonderful people, as long as they're letting you ejaculate inside of them. The minute they want to tell you how much they learned about life from playing Strephon in Iolanthe, well, those finely honed cheek bones aren't really so redeeming anymore.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102331246086753452004-12-06T03:06:00.000-08:002004-12-06T03:07:26.086-08:00

I don't have friends. I've found acquaintances and gin work just as well.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1102323474360550392004-12-06T01:54:00.000-08:002004-12-06T00:57:54.360-08:00

I feel sorry for the political wives of today. Like 40 years ago, you were married to a senator with presidential aspirations, your job was to stare lovingly, harbor a secret prescription pill additiction, and generally waste your life going to teas and reading books to children. Now if you're a political wife, you're expected to have graduated third in your class from yale law school, then

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1101111378414708932004-11-22T01:15:00.000-08:002004-11-22T00:16:18.413-08:00

I love reading books by indian authors, it allows me to indulge in snobby anglophilia while feeling slightly cool because i'm reading something written by a not-white person.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1101111255998214562004-11-22T01:12:00.000-08:002004-11-22T00:14:16.000-08:00

I've been trying to get more in touch with my emotions, because if I were any more intellectually removed from my own life, I would technically become a Victorian novelist. And that's the last thing I need, having to wear a top hat and bow tie all the time, engage in a loveless marriage of convenience with my second cousin. The sex with 1890's london street whores woud be fun, though.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100578542412495522004-11-15T20:14:00.000-08:002004-11-15T20:15:42.413-08:00

I'm tired of being condescended to because I'm not participating in a Kabuki homage to the improbability of working class life. now let's unpack that and turn it into a joke.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100578479608893412004-11-15T20:13:00.000-08:002004-11-15T20:14:39.606-08:00

Hollywood appears to be peopled entirely with individuals the most interesting thing about which is their hair.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100433447995684572004-11-14T03:56:00.000-08:002004-11-14T03:57:27.996-08:00

I can't decide if my constant urge to write poems about how lonely I am is a sign I'm depressed or a sign that i'm 14.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100305097784223522004-11-12T16:15:00.000-08:002004-11-12T16:18:17.783-08:00

I got fired the other day. Everyone else went out to try to dull the pain with liquor or drugs, but i'm just not that kind of person, i can't take a percoset and forget all my pain. i'm always scared i'll become an addict or get puffy like chandler during the seventh through tenth seasons of friends, i'm just not that kind of person. Thank god for whores. there's something about looking deep

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100304880088733712004-11-12T16:13:00.000-08:002004-11-12T16:14:40.086-08:00

The same company has fired then re-hired me twice in the past year. And, as a gay man living in George Bush's America, I realize, this is the closest to an abusive marriage I'm ever going to get.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100304807471096152004-11-12T16:12:00.000-08:002004-11-12T16:13:27.470-08:00

At first I was sad I got fired, but then I realized, there's no HR department to stop me now.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100304760375834002004-11-12T16:07:00.000-08:002004-11-12T16:12:40.376-08:00

I miss my job. I don't miss the money, i got severance and in-lieu-of-notice and arrears and all that. I don't miss the companionship. I hated most of the people I work with. I don't miss the artistic actualization, because I was writing dick jokes for a man who was a truly horrible performer. What I miss is free coffee and internet access. *sigh* and pressuring interns into moderately

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100304445066594882004-11-12T16:05:00.001-08:002004-11-12T16:07:25.066-08:00

I worry, a lot, that I'm a bad writer. That I'll submit something and someone will have to figure out a delicate way to tell me that it just doesn't cut it. That i'm self-indulgent or florid or my prose lacks balance. But then I realize, it's possible I'm a bad writer, but it's certain I'm a writer.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1100304318480710762004-11-12T16:05:00.000-08:002004-11-12T16:05:18.480-08:00

I really enjoy calling people judas

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1098953559521340632004-10-28T01:51:00.000-07:002004-10-28T01:52:39.523-07:00

I don't know if my friends like me. Sometimes I wonder if i'm just so self absorbed they just sort of got swept into it before they realized what an asshole i am.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1097311110678870482004-10-09T01:36:00.000-07:002004-10-09T01:38:30.676-07:00

How do i say I'm going crazy in the delicate way that doesn't make anyone think anything's wrong? I don't know how to get the self-pity out of my art. I don't know how to get the self pity out of my life. I did abs/shoulders/back yesterday. does that prove to anyone i'm pro-active? does that let anyone know i'm not just a machine for ruminations on failure. i'm not falling apart minnesota

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1097310955021471992004-10-09T01:34:00.000-07:002004-10-09T01:35:55.020-07:00

Gays always claim to hate religious fanatics who claim the answer to everything is jesus, but somehow, anytime i have a problem in my life, there is always a homosexual there to point out that the only path to salvation is through the gym.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1097306691541981672004-10-08T23:46:00.000-07:002004-10-09T00:24:51.540-07:00

Living alone, as a single man, I sometimes feel like my own single mom. Like I really love me, because i'm the only person I have, but then i spill something on my shirt and it makes me late and I can't go anywhere because i'm always stuck with this giant three year old i'm responsible for creating.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1097302385326922742004-10-08T23:12:00.000-07:002004-10-08T23:13:05.326-07:00

I can be really intimidated by how hot everyone in LA is, but my friend says if you're not that attractive, you probably have other skills or traits that can help you get laid. For instance, I am a really good rapist.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1097055148705836722004-10-06T02:30:00.000-07:002004-10-06T02:32:28.706-07:00

I have a friend, a straight guy, and he talks about his best friend Sean constantly. Oh sean this, oh sean called from New York, and they have a website together, and every time he fucking mentions this fucking guy all I can think is I willingly swallow other men's cum, yet somehow this fucker has a more satisfying and mature same-sex relationship that i do. it fucking sucks.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096969738350362432004-10-05T02:46:00.000-07:002004-10-05T02:48:58.350-07:00

Once I replied to this guy's ad on craigslist because he said he was a sexual libertine, but then, when we actually started dating... nothing, just standard run of the mill coitus. Then one time I went to meet him when i went into his apartment i cought him masturbating to a copy of "The Fountainhead". Turns out he's a sexual libertarian and a very bad speller.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096965893824752592004-10-05T01:43:00.000-07:002004-10-05T01:44:53.826-07:00

Veal tastes good. It's cruel, but so is eating an animal. I mean, if you're going to end up crushing an animals skull, slicing it up and eating it, why not toy with it a bit to begin with?

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096965812894353802004-10-05T01:41:00.000-07:002004-10-05T01:43:32.893-07:00

I hate libertarians. We live in a majoritarian system, fringe parties are never, ever, ever going to win. Voting libertarian is less likely to return any palpable results than praying to BAAL.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096959341759730052004-10-04T23:55:00.000-07:002004-10-04T23:55:41.760-07:00

I think I'd trust John Edwards more if he gained 30 pounds and started cheating on his wife.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096935279499520372004-10-04T17:07:00.000-07:002004-10-04T17:14:39.500-07:00

Sometimes I think my work is pointless, I write a crappy show on a network no one watches. Who cares. But then I realize, if each and every day I can make just one intern's life miserable... It's all worth it.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096932635259128362004-10-04T16:29:00.000-07:002004-10-04T16:30:35.260-07:00

I get uncomfortable when I'm talking to someone and they mention they went to an ivy league school. I resent the implication that they're not my inferior.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096884111483429762004-10-04T02:48:00.000-07:002004-10-04T03:01:51.483-07:00

This cowboy is lonely. LA is very full of people who are busy and already have 355 friendsters. The Jewish Debbie Reynolds once said finding real affection in LA is impossible because people are so good at doing the fake kind.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096883191334393102004-10-04T02:41:00.000-07:002004-10-04T02:46:31.333-07:00

Over the past two years or so, I've had three major friendship-ending disagreements with very close friends. This, well, it makes me feel like i'm a bad friend, or like i don't have the necessary friendship-negotiation skills. Two centered on cohabitation. Also, my awkwardness at expressing my needs. Like, when the time came and I did create boundaries, the other person flipped out. I'm

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096882714674421132004-10-04T02:35:00.000-07:002004-10-04T02:38:34.676-07:00

Sometimes I worry I'm too angry. I get pissed off at so many things. Mainly people I think aren't living their lives the right way. So I guess that either means I'm a bad person or just very judgemental.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096882513501849672004-10-04T02:34:00.000-07:002004-10-04T02:35:13.500-07:00

Sometimes I worry that I begin too many blog entries with the phrase "Sometimes I worry".

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096795151026124152004-10-03T02:18:00.000-07:002004-10-03T02:19:11.026-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if my dad never loved me. But in the deepest corners of my heart, i hope he was just using all of the criticisms and insults to try to train me to be a really good S&M bottom.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096794949671978222004-10-03T02:10:00.000-07:002004-10-03T02:15:49.670-07:00

You Can Be A Winner In their online profiles gay guys always say "no games". "I'm looking for someone down to earth, no games." The thing is, I really like Yahtzee, and want it to be an important part of any relationship I'm in. Also, emotional manipulation and lies, they mean a lot to me, too. Really, I think if you're gay and you're looking for a relationship with no games, you're missing

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096794633787760372004-10-03T02:07:00.000-07:002004-10-03T02:10:33.786-07:00

Saw I Heart Huckabees. This film, it's possible, was made for my pleasure alone. After it, i felt the need to call my parents, first time left a timid message, called back for a stronger one, and got my dad. The yelling which ensued... i guess other 28 year olds don't yell at their parents so much, but I'd assert that my parents got off pretty yelling free when i was 14 and docile, so, you

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096793644793077482004-10-03T01:53:00.000-07:002004-10-03T01:54:04.793-07:00

Parker for Me Sometimes I feel like an alpha-numeric man in a QWERTY world.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096793565729768942004-10-03T01:50:00.000-07:002004-10-03T01:52:45.730-07:00

Also From Arkansas I honestly believe the most theraputic activity known to mankind is yelling curse words at your father over a cell phone on Santa Monica Blvd. at 1 in the morning. The second most theraputic activity is eating a hostess ding dong immediately thereafter and being a little bit surprised at how not guilty you feel about either. He cut me from the fucking little league team.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096353815194209722004-09-27T23:27:00.000-07:002004-09-27T23:43:35.193-07:00

Garbo Self-Congraulates So I was looking at my second degree friendsters here in Los Angeles. I'm very bad at making friends, and i figure if technology wants to help, all the better. But in the course of looking at my second degree friendsters I ran across a young man who, under "who I want to meet" had written: No one. I am drowining in friends. then, all in caps, "DON'T ADD ME". As the

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096319126081944102004-09-27T14:03:00.000-07:002004-09-27T14:07:07.356-07:00

Ernesto Goes to Camp I hate Che Guevara. Millions of college kids think he's a hero, but they can't tell you a single thing he did. Che Guevara is only famous because he's the sexiest communist revolutionary, and i really can't trust anyone who's place in history comes from being slightly sexier than Leon Trotsky.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1096100298715879942004-09-25T01:16:00.000-07:002004-09-25T01:18:18.716-07:00

Middle Country I recently read an article that said China was going to start focusing more political attention on the environment. I'm sure the millions of slave laborers trapped in sweat shops producing consumer goods for US teenagers will take a lot of solace in the knowledge Beijing is backing spare the air days. If they actually had political imput, i'm sure they'd agree with the change.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1095836235830861902004-09-21T23:55:00.000-07:002004-09-21T23:57:15.830-07:00

log Dear Vance, or anyone else from LA who just met me and googled their way to this site. Um, you fucking looked for it, if it's maudlin, self-pitying and one-note... well, it's a fucking blog. at least i'm not talking about how great the Modest Mouse show was. Tried to sing the gummi bears theme song tonight and failed. boo hoo me.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1095836115077569782004-09-21T23:54:00.000-07:002004-09-21T23:55:15.076-07:00

Things in my life would be so much more simple if my insurance company just covered whores.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3177138.post-1095819694267823662004-09-21T19:16:00.000-07:002004-09-21T19:21:34.266-07:00

After I'm done masturbating, there is a moment of sweetest, stillest quiet. A moment of pure pleasure. Then my head has to think about something, but it can't go back where it was before because it has expelled it's need to think about barely legal muscleboys and naughty schoolboy hijinx. So my mind just resets itself, usually by singing the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon show.

Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00519645975875220457noreply@blogger.com0